shame on me for never finding the time to write anymore....i have been quite a disappointment to the hotpinkglitter name!
so i am going to take some time now to reflect on the first month of the new year....which really has not been so great.
my "job" in quotes because while it is a real job....i am not really making money....anyway....my job has been driving me pretty nuts recently....mostly because my managers are all pretty terrible to me, and im making practically nothing, because no one is coming in to eat....and now there is some newly added drama with some of the people i work with....and the real problem here is that i am so fucking confused about my life and what the fuck i am suppose to be doing...because here i am, a college graduate working as a waitress in a hidden restaurant...which blah blah blah used to be perfectly fine with me because i enjoyed going to work, and i liked the people....but now it seems to be rather misserable...not to mention a complete waste of time (when i go in at 12, have one table and am cut by 1) but i dont know wha tot do....because this job was suppose to be something to do until a "real job" came along...which of course it hasnt....and i cant seem to come to grips with quitting this waitress job only to go be a server somewhere else!! it drives me nuts.....not nuts like when i want to stick sharp objectsin my ears becasue people chew their gum like mother fucking cows.....but nuts like i just want to scream and be like "WHAT THE FUCK IS MY LIFE?!? WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOOD FOR?!?!?" you know what i mean?
on a positive note...i did go to AC a couple weekends ago and won a significant amount of money....which was awesome mostly because the deal i made with myself before i went was that if i could someone win $200 or more...i would buy myself rock band 2....because making a significant purchase with winnings and not the pittence that is my bank account is a lot more acceptable...or so i thought. of course everyone was all like "blah blah blah dont piss it away! put it in the bank....i cant believe youre gonna buy that shit" ok, hello? how about "congratulations" "you deserve it" "go ahead and treat yourself to something nice" the moral of this story: i need to find time to hang out with my friend stephanie again
and on that note....i am pretttty tired of people tellling me how i need to move out of my parents house....how it is so unhealthy and this and that....ok thanks a lot fucking captain oubvious....are you going to buy me an apartment? are you going to let me come live with you? are you going to help me find a job where i actually make money, so that i can save money, so that i CAN FUCKING MOVE OUT?!?? no....you are not....so quite frankly your "opinion" means JACK SHIT to me
on another plus side last night i was hanging out with a piano player and we were singing songs and having SOOOO much fun!!!!! i lovvvveeee to sing!!! and for my birthday....(which is in 32 days, whose counting?) we are going to a piano bar and to high tea and i cannnttt wait!!!!.....woah how weird is that...i just noticed this but my 23 birthday is in 32 days! weeirrrddd!!!!
23 sounds so terrible, what the fuck is 23? ooolalal wow i am twenty three, its a number as useless as i am....fitting
anyway....i have to start getting ready for work....today i work a double...which means i will go in have a table, be cut, spend more time doing my sidework than i spent being a waitress....go on a little break...come back maybe be a litttle busy at dinner but nothing like what a fucking friday night dinner should be....spend a couple hours doing sidework...come home and pass out.....
oh that reminds me....last friday during my break...i went out of my way asking practically everyone if they would like me to get them anything (food, coffee) while i was out and i get my fucking prick of a fucking manager a VENTI starbucks latte or whatever....and the asshole doesnt even OFFER to pay me back...NOTHING...like fuck you dude you worthless piece of shit......have i mentioned recently my hate for people?
but back to getting ready for work...i need to go make myself cute so that i can get as large of a tip as i possibly can from the few tables that i will have....
i really am going to make an effort to write more...and update more frequently.....especially since i havent been seeing my therapist...i need to do soemthing somewhat theraputic before i go crazy(er)
shabat shalom
so i am going to take some time now to reflect on the first month of the new year....which really has not been so great.
my "job" in quotes because while it is a real job....i am not really making money....anyway....my job has been driving me pretty nuts recently....mostly because my managers are all pretty terrible to me, and im making practically nothing, because no one is coming in to eat....and now there is some newly added drama with some of the people i work with....and the real problem here is that i am so fucking confused about my life and what the fuck i am suppose to be doing...because here i am, a college graduate working as a waitress in a hidden restaurant...which blah blah blah used to be perfectly fine with me because i enjoyed going to work, and i liked the people....but now it seems to be rather misserable...not to mention a complete waste of time (when i go in at 12, have one table and am cut by 1) but i dont know wha tot do....because this job was suppose to be something to do until a "real job" came along...which of course it hasnt....and i cant seem to come to grips with quitting this waitress job only to go be a server somewhere else!! it drives me nuts.....not nuts like when i want to stick sharp objectsin my ears becasue people chew their gum like mother fucking cows.....but nuts like i just want to scream and be like "WHAT THE FUCK IS MY LIFE?!? WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOOD FOR?!?!?" you know what i mean?
on a positive note...i did go to AC a couple weekends ago and won a significant amount of money....which was awesome mostly because the deal i made with myself before i went was that if i could someone win $200 or more...i would buy myself rock band 2....because making a significant purchase with winnings and not the pittence that is my bank account is a lot more acceptable...or so i thought. of course everyone was all like "blah blah blah dont piss it away! put it in the bank....i cant believe youre gonna buy that shit" ok, hello? how about "congratulations" "you deserve it" "go ahead and treat yourself to something nice" the moral of this story: i need to find time to hang out with my friend stephanie again
and on that note....i am pretttty tired of people tellling me how i need to move out of my parents house....how it is so unhealthy and this and that....ok thanks a lot fucking captain oubvious....are you going to buy me an apartment? are you going to let me come live with you? are you going to help me find a job where i actually make money, so that i can save money, so that i CAN FUCKING MOVE OUT?!?? no....you are not....so quite frankly your "opinion" means JACK SHIT to me
on another plus side last night i was hanging out with a piano player and we were singing songs and having SOOOO much fun!!!!! i lovvvveeee to sing!!! and for my birthday....(which is in 32 days, whose counting?) we are going to a piano bar and to high tea and i cannnttt wait!!!!.....woah how weird is that...i just noticed this but my 23 birthday is in 32 days! weeirrrddd!!!!
23 sounds so terrible, what the fuck is 23? ooolalal wow i am twenty three, its a number as useless as i am....fitting
anyway....i have to start getting ready for work....today i work a double...which means i will go in have a table, be cut, spend more time doing my sidework than i spent being a waitress....go on a little break...come back maybe be a litttle busy at dinner but nothing like what a fucking friday night dinner should be....spend a couple hours doing sidework...come home and pass out.....
oh that reminds me....last friday during my break...i went out of my way asking practically everyone if they would like me to get them anything (food, coffee) while i was out and i get my fucking prick of a fucking manager a VENTI starbucks latte or whatever....and the asshole doesnt even OFFER to pay me back...NOTHING...like fuck you dude you worthless piece of shit......have i mentioned recently my hate for people?
but back to getting ready for work...i need to go make myself cute so that i can get as large of a tip as i possibly can from the few tables that i will have....
i really am going to make an effort to write more...and update more frequently.....especially since i havent been seeing my therapist...i need to do soemthing somewhat theraputic before i go crazy(er)
shabat shalom
